When most people think about “influence tactics” in cybersecurity, they imagine pushy persuasion, authority plays, or high-pressure scenarios. But one of the most effective tools in a social engineer’s toolbox is surprisingly soft. It’s called ego suspension and honestly, it might be my favorite.
Why? Because when done right, it feels natural. It doesn’t rely on manipulation or deception — it just lets the other person feel good about themselves. After spending 4 years making vishing calls, I’ve learned that when you master this skill, people will trust you more quickly and share more freely.
What Ego Suspension Really Means
People like being experts. They like being the one who “knows the answer.” Ego suspension leans into that. You give them the opportunity to explain, correct, or guide you. And that’s when the magic happens: their defenses go down, the conversation feels collaborative, and they become more willing to keep talking.
It’s less about you being right, and more about letting them feel right.
Everyday Moments Where You’ve Probably Done This
Even outside of cybersecurity, you’ve likely used ego suspension without realizing it:
- At Work: You ask a colleague to walk you through a process you already know, just so they feel appreciated and included.
- With Friends or a Partner: You let them explain a topic you’ve read about before because you know it makes them feel good to share.
- In Customer Service: You ask a customer what they have tried so far, which gives them the sense that they are in control of solving the problem.
These little moments aren’t fake; they’re intentional choices to let someone else take center stage.
Why It Works So Well in Social Engineering
Psychologically, ego suspension taps into two major drivers: validation and trust. When someone feels valued for their knowledge, they naturally lower their guard. If you employ this tactic often, the person could start associating that positive feeling with you; the person who “gets them” and respects their input.
For a social engineer, that connection is gold. It opens doors for deeper conversations, more accurate information, and smoother cooperation.
I’m not the only one who swears by it, here is what some of my colleagues have shared regarding this special influence technique:
Carter
“Ego suspension is a powerful discipline that allows you to improve your ability to listen and comprehend what the other person is saying. It’s especially useful in social engineering contexts. Approaching a conversation or vishing engagement this way allows you to connect more deeply with others, as it involves removing our brain’s inherent ‘need to be right’ thought pattern. Not only are you able to connect better with the targeted individual, but your comprehension of their perspective improves. This concept is learned quickly when performing 20, 30, or 40 vishing calls per day. Taking the time to truly listen and reflect, even if you disagree, serves as a launchpad to connect ego suspension with other influence principles (authority, liking, reciprocity, etc.). While allowing you to leave everyone, regardless of the outcome, feeling better for having met you.
On a recent vishing engagement for a client, the individual and I quickly connected over shared frustrations with our internet providers. Instead of immediately aiming for the intended flags, (the sensitive information the client wanted protected), I let the conversation flow. This allowed me to learn about their past job as a technician and how much they enjoyed working for their new company. The call lasted longer than others, but that extra time built stronger rapport, which in turn made it possible to elicit more sensitive flags. This positive exchange and the elicitation of sensitive information would not have occurred had I not practiced ego suspension.”
Rosa
“When I first began vishing, I thought that the more information we gave the more legit I would sound. This actually backfired a couple times and I learned that a pretext is most effective when kept simple. In order to do that, it calls for ego suspension. There are times the targets will ask ‘what type of update are you referring to?’ I have found that saying ‘I’m not quite sure, I would have to check with my manager’ works better than making up something which may be inaccurate.”
My Personal Take
Without a doubt, this has to be my all-time favorite influence tactic for a reason. Ego suspension has gotten me out of countless sticky situations, especially on calls where someone expected me to have answers I didn’t actually have. Instead of scrambling or risking sounding defensive, I lean back, ask a question, and let them talk.
It’s incredible how often that simple shift turns a tense situation into a productive one. And that’s why I love this technique: it builds trust, makes the other person feel good, and often gives me exactly what I need to move forward.
Ego Suspension isn’t just for social engineers; you’ll see it everywhere once you start looking for it. Moving forward, pay attention to when someone lets you be the expert. When you notice it, ask yourself: How did it make me feel? Did it make me trust them more? Did it make me feel heard and valued?
Once you experience how good it feels from the other side, you’ll have an even deeper appreciation for why Ego Suspension is so powerful, and you’ll be more motivated to use it intentionally.
To learn how to implement ego suspension and other SE communication techniques, come learn from the experts at the Foundational Application of Social Engineering (FASE) course!
Written by
Josten Peña
Human Risk Analys, Social-Engineer, LLC